"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are-JOSEPH CAMPBELL"

Monday, February 8, 2016


بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِي

Assalamualaikum. Alhamdulillah I've graduate from school on december 2 2015. Mark my last paper of LK (engineering drawing ). And finally I will not wear my school uniform nor being a school prefect. As form 5 student the feel to graduate is so much. we have a mix feeling, sad, happy, excited and so on. Me and my friends have plan so much things to do for our after-SPM activities. but little did we know that allah have something plan ahead. 


It was our mod-math papers. good things we all got to answer all the question without any stress.

 *you know what? screw my english plan* 

Petang tu ustazah ada buat extra class for paper pai esoknya. sebab math habis awal kelas pun habis awal lah. usually if ibu tak jemput me and shidah will go back by walk. at that time hujan but not so heavy. because I tumpang shidah (ayah shidah tumpang kan separuh jalan) I balik rumah dia. about 1 hour after that, I went home with my mom. 

Balik je check phone tengok ws. my friends have been asking to pray for azira because she still unconscious. I thought that it was a joke. good things I didn't replay with a sense of humor. I ask farhani first. That when I know that azira had an accident. it was only minor accident. but because she still have fever and there is blood coming out from her ears, I think that cause the injury to get worse. I pray so hard. we even did solat hajat. that night azira was sent to HTJ seremban. ayu who was there from very beginning told us that she is in critical condition. I asked all my family members to pray for her. I know she is strong. Then it hit me. I start to imagine that she is dead. and my sister had told me to calm down then when I start to cry harder. You know the day after is our pendidikan islam papers, but we are seriously distract. 


That morning we came with puffy eyes. No one really talks. we busy reading for the upcoming papers. but I know everyone is in sensitive mood. when my homeroom teacher came she asked of to focus on our papers and smile. syiqin is just beside me ( and syiqin is like baby) then syiqin start to cry. We try not to but we cry again. Kau tak tahu perasaan bila kau masuk dewan meja dia kosong. then bila pengawas tu cakap pasal zira most girls in my class cry. 

alhamdulillah paper hari tu habis awal. Turun je nak pergi surau ( we agree to do solat hajat ) cikgu dollah cakap dia bawak shidah ayu alea and ammar pergi lawat zira kat seremban. So we start to plan something crazy. we decide to go there by bus and when we arrive at term ayah farhani jemput and hantar ke hospital. It was last minute planning. We are broke. so we sacrifice our money. I pay for ticket bus. Thanks godness I remember aiman and syiqin ask him to came along. 

We arrive at HTJ at 3 o'clock. Sampai je nampak budak-budak ni yang naik dengan cikgu dollah. We can't go in yet because we still wearing our school uniform. I was afraid if we didn't get to visit her. But then the jaga told us to come back at 4:30 I think. I'm not remember. So to kill the time we eat first. Then we got to meet her, other come with iqbal so basically almost everyone in our class come only 6 didn't. And suddenly the surrounding turns gloomy. Yes we got to see her. But we didn't know we will see her in  that state. Mai already crying. And I can;t bear anymore and start crying with syiqin. Her life is depending on machine.

Cikgu dollah suruh baca al-fatihah kat telinga dia kemudian selawat tapi dengan syarat, jangan nangis nanti dia stress. So I was trying hard to stop my tears. I did what cikgu told us to do and I talked to her. The most things that make me want to cry is she actually crying. Her tears cannot stop falling. Everyone was whisper to her to wake up, we miss you. some of us even make a promise. Not all of us talked to her since some of us still crying. 

The moment when we saw her mother we cannot stop our tears. Her mom looks so weak with eye bags around her eyes. We just want to hug her mom. Aiman, her love one. Just watching from far. I know he still can't believe this happen to her.


Thanks to allah, our spm gap is long. We got to rest for 5 days. We come to school as usual since we have our extra class for addmath. Not everyone was coming. Our assembly start with recite surah yassin for her of course. I was desperate, I force my junior who can read to recite surah yassin. And yes we cried again while recite surah yassin.

At class my teacher open radio for us. So we solve our addmath question while listening to the song. Our mood not as bad like yesterday. We tried to think positively. So we have lil joke to laugh at. But somehow the radio ruining our mood. All the song that was played is all the sad song. Serious rasa nak campak radio tu. Masa sibuk jawab soalan shidah dapat wassap from her friend, it was a doa. Doa for people who comatose, We planning to visit her again that day and so we were feeling excited and start to hafal the doa.

We continued our class at evening, I still remember. The time is 3.05, syiqin receive a call from ayu. I start feeling scared. And suddenly we stop our discussion because we hearing syiqin voice. She was crying, That when she told us azira dah takde. shock, sad all mix feeling. First time I'm crying. Nangis terduduk aku. Cikgu terus stop kan kelas and we all decide to visit ayu since ayu is her bestfriend. Dalam masa tu terdengar lah conversation sur dengan ayah dia. Suria yang hati keras batu menangis. I call my mom to tell her but nothing coming out from my mouth. Just sobbing. My mom scolded me for crying, she said azira tak suka.

At night, jenaza sampai rumah dia. All form 5 and some form 4 student, come and recite surah yassin together. Ya allah masa tu hanya tuhan yang tahu perasaan kiteorang. bersih je muka dia. When I kiss her, ya allah. sejuk je dia.

Malam tu tiba-tiba rasa nak pergi bilik dia. We check all her note books to read some of her stupid quote. Azira suka design baju, So she will design some dress and show to me since we both love fashion. Some time I crack a joke saying I'll be top designer not her. Sometime when she design some dress for me I will tell her its ugly but we know its all joke. We found some present that was not open yet. So we assume it was for ayu. She didn't get to give it to ayu. It was so sad. There is picture album in her study desk. She said to aiman that she will stored all of their picture together in that album but somehow she didn't get a chance to do that.

Kiteorang ada cakap-cakap dengan mak dia. We told her mom. Kalau boleh simpan lah barang-barang dia, Mak suruh kiteorang amik barang-barang dia bagi kawan-kawan,


Esok tu bangun dengan perasaan yang tak boleh dirungkai. We seat at her room since there's a lot of people coming. We give aiman one of zira shawl. We recite surah yassin. Masa jenazah nak dikapan kan masa tu all of my classmate cry. Masa tu kau dah tak fikir dah musuh kau ke kawan kau. sebab masa tu we all the same. we cried for our friend. We kiss her for the last time. I cannot hold my tears, shidah terus peluk. And so dia kebumi sebelah kubur uwan dia je. See how much she miss her grandma :')

Dear girl. I hope we will meet again in jannah. semoga kau berada di kalangan orang beriman.


24.8.1998 - 18.11.2015